The Boxer Rebellion 2: the apocalypse by maina pyaarkiya

It is generally believed in the civilized world that the men of any nations would rather wear briefs as compared to boxers; but this very essence of human culture and existence seems threatened with the Boxer Rebellion 2.

The roots of this global threat can be traced to the American invasion of Iraq. Inside sources like Jay Leno and Letterman had reported that America had indeed found WMDs concealed in the form of Saddam Hussein’s boxer shorts. The army and the government had quickly underplayed the incident. But fate it seems has caught up with the erring superpowers of the world.

Analysts have aptly decided to name this new wave the Boxer(s) rebellion 2; as the perpetrators of this movement have decided to outlaw all briefs and similar underwear and make Boxer shorts a worldwide phenomenon. Professor Jocky Khanna form the OOGABOOGA University, an expert in this field, says “Boxer shorts can indeed be deadly weapons of mass chaos. They are known to cause hernia, carry rashes and if modified and engineered in the right manner can bring about impotency and other viral diseases. The usage of suicide bombers may further aggravate the problem and expose the female species to the risks as well.”

At the not so recently concluded UN Insecurity Council summit, President Bush had this to say

“We as nations cannot afford to be threatened by Boxer shorts in the new millennium. We cannot have a nation suffering from hernia. So my message to all those nations supporting those involved in the boxer rebellion is: In this war against global underwear terror, you are either with us or against us. Either you wear briefs or you don’t wear anything at all”

President’s comments were received internationally with much accolade, except for Scotland and Africa. Scottish ambassador John Rivolta said that his country does not know how to respond to Bush’s speech as they didn’t wear anything under their Kilts in any case. As for some of the Africans, well, they are not sure if skirts made of leaves count as briefs or boxers.

Back home India’s position in this movement is generally seen as having a pro-US incline. However, the PM received a lot of flak when he supposedly told Bush in a private meeting that even though the country’s foreign policy is generally unanimous, he still didn’t understand why the opposition has decided to stick to wearing ‘chaddis’

The opposition raised a storm in the media and vehemently denied the allegations. They said that chaddis are made of khaki and are in not even remotely similar to boxers. They say that internal matters of the nation should be kept internal and not made public internationally. A prominent opposition leader even said:

“PM saab…Ab aap kahenge…ki…..Shri Raamji ne…dhoti nahin…sarong peheni thi!”

India has thus decided to play a key role in removing boxers from Asia, which will help in reviving its stagnating textile sector. The global council against underwear terrorism has taken key initiatives against fighting this menace. The five-fold program is:

a.) Coerce countries with sweat shops from where these boxer rebels mass-produce to get rid of them or hand their management and control to Nike, Reebok or Adidas, failing which such countries will be wiped off the face of the planet.

b.) Create a global intelligence network to infiltrate the boxer distribution systems around the Globe.

c.) The US along with UK and France has established an elite military task force by the name of G.I. Jockeys. They will also be getting their own reality TV series soon.

d.) Introduce more comfortable, cost effective and luxurious forms of Briefs in the industries

e.) Mass produce briefs in China and outsource the rest of the work to India.



The future of the world and our way of life definitely seems unstable. Even as I speak numerous ‘suicide boxer-wearers’ are being trained all across Bangladesh, Indonesia, Thailand, Pakistan, Sudan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Egypt, Saudi-Arabia, Africa, South America, Antarctica etc. etc….

One can only hope that this menace is quickly dealt with before the threads of the boxer rebellion spread all over the globe and our planet becomes just another pair of Boxer shorts floating in space.