Moti's Bluetoothed controversy. Maina Pyaarkiya

A piece of investigative journalism by Maina Pyaarkiya
"Love is the most natural and beautiful thing in the world, So what’s wrong in watching on video what is happening between a Man, a Woman…and a Horse?"
Sasha Baron Cohen, "The Ali-G Show"


The whole controversy started when Moti, the colony’s favourite Dalmatian, felt very horny and managed to get his paws on the neighbour’s bitch. Stuff happened and while it was happening Moti pressed the video recording button on his master’s cellphone which was left out in the backyard to dry in the sun (his master was sloshed at last night’s party and fell into a swimming pool.).

As a result very naughty things were recorded between Moti and the neighbour’s bitch. Incidentally, Moti’s arch nemesis Hiralal Spotwalla a.k.a. Hispotty managed to catch hold of the cellphone. His original idea was to just piddle on the cellphone, but he decided to play around with it before he actually piddled on it. As a consequence of this the naughty video was transmitted to his master’s friend cellphone.

Moti’s master’s friend found the clip very tantalizing and decided to pass it on to his friend, who passed it on to another friend and so on and so forth till the whole city was scandalized by Moti’s naughty deeds. Once Moti’s master got to know he called Moti and gave him a nice scolding. To this Moti replied with an unapologetic "Woof! Woof!" (‘Bugger off’ in doggy language).

Some people eventually started showing off the video on projection screens and flashy cellphones at the P3P parties. One of the P3P’s found the clip very artsy and tastefully executed and thought Spielberg might be interested in it, (his only claim to fame was that he had had coffee with Spielberg, sat in the same café more like it…). The P3P then went to the bartender paid him Rs 10 and the ‘blue-toothed’ the video clip from the bartender’s 6600.
Some people even started selling the clips in bootlegged versions and it was freely available over Kazaa networks. There was reportedly an extended clip with Hispotty and Jenna Jameson making a cameo together.

Finally police decided to do something about it as the clip was distorting the moral fabric of the human and canine society alike. But after the initial excitement this is what the police found: 1. Moti was absconding. 2. The master’s backyard had been broken down by MCD as it was illegal, thereby removing all evidence. 3. Hispotty’s piddle on the cellphone had damaged the cellphone beyond recovery 4. They had no evidence and Pappu Yadav had ordered 3 Maharaja Macs which had to be delivered to Bihar pronto.

Police didn’t know what to so when Spielberg came to India to slap the P3P who had sent him the obnoxious clip, they immediately arrested him and subsequently denied him bail. This really pissed of Dubya and he cancelled all H-1B visas for all Indians for the next 2 years and told India to release Spielberg within 2 weeks or face the consequences. If that wasn’t enough Osama Laden renewed his jihad against India proclaiming the clips were corrupting the minds of his wives, kids, cats and dogs. The constant airing of the clip on The Al-Jazeera network was also eating into his precious airtime. The Planning Commission is yet to determine the economic repercussions of all this.

Recent developments that have taken place include the arrest of Moti, once he returned from his evening walk. On interrogation he revealed nothing, and on being subjected to torture he just said "Wooow!"(‘Ouch’ in doggy language but it doesn’t count as testimony in court anyway). The P3P involved has also been arrested and he insists that the 10 bucks were tip to the bartender and not the price paid for the video. He has also offered to marry Spielberg, the bartender or Moti in an attempt to become more famous.

Spielberg is now hospitalized and waiting for the eminent invasion of India by Dubya. Osama has threatened to blow up Moti in his latest tape, but no one seems to be taking him very seriously.

Amidst this pandemonium the Neighbour finally decided to break his silence. He woke up in the morning to find hordes of reporters outside his house. The perennial question that has been haunting everyone was hurled at him:
"Mr. Neighbour can you tell us where your bitch is?" The question caught Neighbour by surprise and he replied:

"Dude! I don’t have a bitch!?!"