The frozen chill of the winter sweeps in as the world fades away in the smog. There is a faint smell of disappointment in the air. I soak in it in, let the endorphins kick in. With each breath I wait; essentially for the inevitable.
The song loops in my head all over again. It’s that same song by the Boss; “No surrender”. I put my head back drift away into it, into a lifetime.
You there with the killer smile and those unfathomable eyes, do you remember the promise, the one we assumed we made? Doesn’t matter if you don’t for I’d never forget the grace in the way you moved, the energy as you fluttered across the dance floor swimming upon those drumbeats. The rhythm was smooth, the music close to divine as I searched, searched amidst those lyrics, amidst those faces, searched for fulfilment, for purpose and found you.

“We learnt more from a 3 minute record, baby; than we ever learnt in school.
…Cuz we made a promise, we swore we’d always remember.
No retreat baby, no surrender”

No surrender, it was and will be, not to the all- pervasive meaninglessness of life, to the shallowness of attachments that constituted my existence. As the photographs and the journals burnt across the bonfire, lit under the careful watch of the Orion, I was still trying not to give up. There was beauty in those burning embers then and in the snow capped peaks. A hallowed beauty in the clouds of vapour formed from the warm breath, clouds that wished they were similar the ones caressing the glow of the full moon. Memories roasted upon the fires of emancipation.
But you weren’t there for any of all that were you girl; the purposeless drifting from one version of myself to another. The guilt of her departure, from my life and then life itself, the pointless amassing of fame and fortune, the loss of a friend and the loss of alternate lifetimes; you weren’t there for any of it. I forgave myself, had no choice but to. How do you justify throwing everything away? Well, you don’t, that takes the fun out of it, doesn’t it.
Memories you cannot get rid of, but mementos, well those you most certainly can. So I tossed into the fires of purgation, those CDs, books, photographs, journals, things, all except one, that particular CD. The soundtrack of my life, girl; one which you were an unknowing part of.
I didn’t realise that it would come to pass like this, as the road snaked ahead in the silent chill of the night, bathed in the full-Moon’s glow. I didn’t know that I would find myself here. My head feels heavier. Any second now.

“Knock! Knock!”
“Who’s the Hell is it?”
“The Girl,” she whispers.
“The Girl?” I ask.
“Yup!” she says with a giggle.
“Damn! How’d you get here?”
“Always been here, and always will be, true nature of time n’ stuff.”
“You know, Eternal Return and Nietzsche do not feature anywhere in my romantic conversations key-points list.”
“I know, but Vanilla Sky definitely did,” she says with a smile
“Hmm….yeah…come to think of it, this is indeed very Vanilla Skyish!”
“Yup!” she giggles again.
“I have a question though, where had you been all this while?”
“Like I said, was always here, always have been, in the moment in the time frame etc., you just gave up looking.”
“That’s, so unfair, I never really did. I still am looking. No surrender, girl.”
“Well, that implies you really cannot stay can you?” she asks.
“I guess so, have to find you somewhere.”
“Well, then you better be moving along then, must warn you it’s not at all comfortable back there.”
“I know, but I have to. What about you? Where will you go?”
“Where? Hmm…well its’ like that line from the comic you once told me;
Where does a wish go…where does a dream go, when you wake up and cannot remember it…”
“Nowhere,” we both whisper in unison.
“Goodbye it is then.”
Fade to Black.
I feel for my stomach and shiver as I put my hand up to my face. The river of crimson flows profusely.
“Not now!” I say to myself. “No tunnels, no soft lights, and no people I know; nothing. Not now Goddammit!”
I manage to crawl out of the mangled steel monster and pull myself on the road. It’s been a peach of an existence mind you. But I promised to find you someday, girl, and that is a promise I intend to keep.